‘Marriage material’ – Is it a compliment?

What makes some people marriage material and others not?

Is it even a compliment to be referred to as ‘marriage material’?

Personally, I once thought of it as a compliment until I realised that most of the times, it is used to refer to a woman who cooks nice food, is too submissive, is generally good at house chores but is that all women are great at? This is why I no longer think the term is any compliment at least not all the time. The outdated idea that women should be subjected to house chores and be housewives without their free will is chauvinistic and degrading to women.

Yesterday two of my friends had these 2 pictures on their WhatsApp status updates and they caught my attention in a very bad way.

‘If a woman can’t cook or clean she shouldn’t expect a man to marry her or she is not ready to become somebody’s wife.’ So because a woman can’t do some house chores she can’t bring anything to the family table or found a family?

I think marriage material or whatever that means should have everything to do with someone’s personal qualities in all aspects or whatever the person wants in a spouse and nothing to do with whether a person can do the dishes or not.

woman

Then there was this one. Again standardising that wives are meant for the kitchen and doing house chores. This is the gender inequality we are fighting hard to end. There are many women out there who are pillars of their families, who are heroes to their children not just because they carried them for 9 months but because they have endured so much to keep the children in school and maintain their families.

Whereas some might say that the meaning of ‘marriage material’ varies depending on the context in which it’s used, I think we shouldn’t be defined or judged by our skills in the kitchen because women have far better and amazing skills, qualities and capabilities.

What does marriage material mean to you and do you think it’s a compliment or not?

 

6 thoughts on “‘Marriage material’ – Is it a compliment?

  1. Hey, i’ve gone through some of your blogs and let me start off by saying i like the way you express yourself; i;ve fallen in love with your writing.
    This article is also empowering in all ways. Keep up the good work.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thanks for this post about marriage materials. Thanks for taking your time to read full meaning in to marriage material.

    A brilliantly written and moving post.

    I went through your post and the word you used are wow.

    It give women a little rethink about cooking and house/domestic chores which most women think are marriage/wife material criteria in to been accepted in to the family.

    My point is that we are all people and not defined by preconceived notions of delegated roles assigned by gender. There are so many successful women who have achieved things that I can only dream of, and it matters not to me if she is married, single, divorced, young, old or strong and loud or soft and gentle. Their accomplishments added to our world.

    We have various women in our world today who have accomplish much in term of education, science and technology. Whether married, single, divorce, old and young. They all add benefit to the society at large. No one should be neglected base on gender.

    The idea of gender role( cooking, domestic chores are meant for women) I don’t agree with it personally.

    Here is a little draft from our renowned feminist.

    According to a popular literature book “””. Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions “””

    FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

    Third Suggestion
    Teach her that the idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense. Do not ever tell her that she
    should or should not do something because she is a girl.
    ‘Because you are a girl’ is never a reason for anything ever “””””””

    Here is a quote from our own feminist.

    FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book: Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions

    Third suggestion:

    ——– The knowledge of cooking does not come pre-installed in a vagina. Cooking is learned.
    Cooking – domestic work in general – is a life skill that both men and women should ideally
    have. It is also a skill that can elude both men and women. We also need to question the idea of marriage as a prize to women, because that is the basis
    of these absurd debates. If we stop conditioning women to see marriage as a prize, then we
    would have fewer debates about a wife needing to cook in order to earn that prize.
    It is interesting to me how early the world starts to invent gender roles. ———

    Another excerpt/draft from her book also about gender role.

    FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book: Dear ijeawele or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions

    Third suggestion:
    ——Gender roles are so deeply conditioned in us that we will often follow them even when they
    chafe against our true desires, our needs, our happiness. They are very difficult to unlearn, and
    so it is important to try to make sure that Chizalum rejects them from the beginning. Instead of
    letting her internalize the idea of gender roles, teach her self-reliance. Tell her that it is
    important to be able to do for herself and fend for herself. Teach her to try to fix physical things
    when they break. We are quick to assume girls can’t do many things. Let her try. She might not
    fully succeed, but let her try. ————-

    Another idea of gender roles is that saying that COOKING are meant for women.

    No No No No No……….that is a wrong perception of people about women in the society.

    COOKING are not meant for women. For me personally I disagree with that perception from people.

    Another aspect of gender roles is that girls are condition to be weak and are left with domestics chores in the house. It’s high time we shared it equally. Boys and girls can do domestics chores at home.

    Another back up based on cooking from FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi

    According to a popular literature book “””. We should all be feminist “””

    FEMINIST Adichie Chimanmanda Ngozi she says in her book:

    “””””””””” I know a woman who hates domestic work, but she pretends that she likes it, because
    she has been taught that to be “good wife material,” she has to be—to use that Nigerian
    word—homely. And then she got married. And her husband’s family began to complain
    that she had changed. Actually, she had not changed. She just got tired of pretending to
    be what she was not.
    The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than
    recognizing how we are. Imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be
    our true individual selves, if we didn’t have the weight of gender expectations.
    Boys and girls are undeniably different biologically, but socialization exaggerates the
    differences. And then starts a self-fulfiling process. Take cooking, for example. Today,
    women in general are more likely to do housework than men— cooking and cleaning.
    But why is that? Is it because women are born with a cooking gene or because over
    years they have been socialized to see cooking as their role? I was going to say that
    perhaps women are born with a cooking gene until I remembered that the majority of
    famous cooks in the world—who are given the fancy title of “chef”—are men

    But what matters even more is our attitude, our mind-set.
    What if, in raising children, we focus on ability instead of gender? What if we focus on
    interest instead of gender?

    I know a family who has a son and a daughter, a year apart in age, both brilliant at
    school. When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl, Go and cook Indomie
    noodles for your brother. The girl doesn’t like to cook Indomie, but she is a girl and she
    has to. What if the parents, from the beginning, taught both children to cook Indomie?
    Cooking, by the way, is a useful and practical life skill for a boy to have—I’ve never
    thought it made much sense to leave such a crucial thing—the ability to nourish oneself
    —in the hands of others. “”””””””””””””

    This is about the gender equality feminist preach and agitate for.

    As for me cooking,domestic chores- cleaning sweeping,mopping are supposed to be shared equally.

    Cooking was never meant for women. Anybody can cook whether male or female.

    As for me I have been given the orientation about Gender equality right from the onset

    Thanks for this powerful post Mrs/Miss Paget Owembabazi.

    Please keep the words coming Mrs/Miss Paget Owembabazi

    Look forward to seeing more inspired write up from you.

    Thank you so much for adding a little inspired word to me this evening.

    #PATRICKSTORIES
    Peace ✌and Love ❤

    Liked by 2 people

      1. chimamanda Ngozi adichie is my mentor. I know most of her works. Am a person who fight for equal right in all area of life.

        We humans are equal. So pleasing the other gender make me feel bad. Am very knowledgeable about feminist and feminism to an extent.

        Been reading about her works/novels and TED talks almost 10 years.

        There is nothing I don’t know about feminism and feminist.

        Thanks for that kind words.

        Love to connect personally with you.

        Don’t get offended by asking to connect with you. Love getting to know people who we share same ideology about feminism.

        Am amazed by your works/write ups.

        Wish to be a friend to you.

        Am Patrick by name.

        Love to connect to you.
        Here are my contact.

        Email- patrickreallstory@gmail.com

        like my Facebook Page (patrickstories)

        follow me on instagram@ patrickstories

        Chat me up on whatsapp@ +2349038156756

        Editor: PATRICK @patrickrealstories.wordpress.com

        You are welcome Mrs/Miss Paget Owembabazi

        #PATRICKSTORIES
        Peace ✌and Love ❤

        Liked by 1 person

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